Wednesday, June 30, 2010

#OldStuff :: Window Seat

she was shot "because she was
& cool
& free…"

she was
"because she was
& cool
& free..."

one day i hope to be as transparent as she
as in what you get is exactly what you see
as in i ain't worried about yall cuz i'm busy bein me
for now
take me as i am is my only plea

for now i move slowly through this purgatory
halfway between that which is opaque & that which is translucent
see unfortunately i'm still slightly bound by these
these layers
this costume
this mask,
it not only covers my face
but also my mind's eye:
you don't know me & i don't know the she that me is either
and so i'm slowly starting to pull off these layers of hypocrisy
this costume of impurity
this mask that resembles everyone else but me
as i move towards my transparency
locate my identity
cease committing this perjury
i long to be naked
but see...
i know no sooner than i remove this costume
life as i know it will end
& i just don't think i'm ready to die
i just really can't afford to be different
to stand out
i mean a square peg can't fit through a round hole & i need to fit in with the rest of y'all
because i know all deviants lose their lives...
so i guess it's either die to myself
or die as myself...
accept conformity
or accept my exile...
sacrifice all...
or be a sacrifice...
decisions decisions...
so i guess until i make my decision
i'll just stay in line
stay in uniform
straighten my mask
turn myself
i need you to want me
i need your direction
i need your attention...
so tell me what you want from me
because being
& cool
& free
is overrated anyways

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