"sometimes the girl who's always been there for everyone else needs someone to be there for her."
so i peeped this quote on twitter a little while ago. & as corny & clichéd as it is, i ALMOST RT'd it. but i realized that i would just be subtweeting myself in doing so.
which only magnifies the truth in it.
i've been that girl. for a long time. it's draining dawg. but sometimes you get so locked into that mindset that you refuse to let people that love you take care of you. it's a rough place to be. it's like you're so compassionate towards everyone but yourself. the part of your heart concerned with your own well being is hardened. & you don't even realize that you HAVE to take care of yourself if you want to continue giving yourself to others.
today a series of thoughts i had been marinating on for quite some time culminated into the most comforting of realizations. i realized that i had never been surrounded by so much God in the form of friends ever in my life. small circle that it is, my friends are constantly praying for me. & because they're so in tune to God, they sometimes know i'm in need before i acknowledge the fact myself. they spoil me. & i pity those who lack similar relationships. see ecclesiastes 4:10.
real friends pray. for you & with you.
countless times they've prayed for me whenever i needed it from tests to interviews to nervousness before shows to overall random bad days, etc.
& as if i'm not already amazed by that, there have been times where they've prayed for me without me asking. God would put me on their mind or in their spirit & they would stop & pray for me or message me with encouraging words. that's the most amazing thing i've ever heard of, let alone experienced.
there's something about a friend willing to go to war with you but it's another thing entirely when a friend goes to war for you in your stead. when a friend prays for you, they are engaging in spiritual warfare on your behalf, for your soul. & i'm still really trippin about God putting my life on on the minds of my friends. like for you to pray for me or encourage me before i even know i need it, before i even feel the void... it blows my mind because, like i said in my last post, for a long time i felt like God's favor operated by way of what a person did or didn't deserve. yeah i was dumb. but it's like... God had you thinking of me, of all people??? like who am i that you care for me that much? i'll never know. all i can do is shrug it off because comprehension of such a thing is unattainable.
the other day i mentioned on twitter that we as people are good at having our friends' backs physically. we're always ready to fight & cut & kill for our brother. but part of being my brother's keeper to me means being there spiritually as well. fighting & cutting & killing for them in the spiritual realm is so much more important i feel.
so i'm overwhelmed. & mad grateful for friends that fight for me when i don't even realize my spirit is on the brink of war. for friends that remind me that my emotions & thoughts are mine. remind me that i have ownership & dominion over them. that i can pick & choose, that i decide how i feel. mad grateful for friends who are concerned with my life outside of this physical world.
i encourage you to find solace in meaningful relationships. not just numbers. quality over quantity. demand more from your life even if it means you have to change some things or people you're used to. it's amazingly refreshing, trust me. do right by yourself & make room for God to bring some spiritual warriors your way.