1. It’s impossible to love me.
2. I kinda have a problem with commitment/ but it’s not that I’m unfaithful or anything/ it’s just that people who have promised to hold me forever never really meant it so by virtue of experience & muscle memory, I physically just don’t get it/ for example/ the only things I’ve ever committed all four fingers and one thumb to is holding my first love’s hand, groping this mic stand, & gripping a pen/ &, as you can see, the one that mattered to me most didn’t stick around as long as I would have liked so, as far as MY hands are concerned, you’ll have to excuse them/ the concept of forever was never an easy one for them OR me to grasp
3. Baby im a thug/ I don’t smile much, half the time they say im muggin and you’ll probably never ever see me shed a tear/ or maybe, I just keep my smile behind my eyes because people hate to see you happy these days/ or maybe, my eye’s don’t cry no more because God made my heart a well to hold the rain, an elixir to ease other’s pain/ so at times I may seem stolid or depressed but I think that if NOLA’s levees were more like me, Katrina woulda been just another rain storm instead of the devastating flood that it was
4. I have the most amazing sisters/ we were made friends by divine incident, sisters by holy convocation and so at any given time I may drop everything, including you, to tend to them/ but know that it doesn’t mean I love you less, it’s just that blood is thicker than water and im anemic so I’d rather be warm/ wait, what?/ look ima just put it this way—I got three brothers. For 20 years, it’s been me and them boys! And recently God saw fit to give me four sisters/ so you’ll have to excuse me, but we’ve got some catching up to do.
5. I love my god more than I will EVER love you/ you will NEVER be the most important thing in my life/ so I ain’t really tryna hear all that “baby if you love me you’ll do this that and the other” because my father loves me unconditionally and seeing as how I did nothing to deserve his love and there’s nothing I can do to make him take it away, you can actually move around with that there—my love is not a barter system to be negotiated
6. Sometimes I think it was not meant for me to love. but i do still. with reckless abandon i love just to spite the universe because defiance is the strongest motivation so i love to prove that i am capable. prove that i have a broken vessel human heart & not an energizer ironman apparatus, not indestructible but rather made for destruction-- it loves like helicopter blades fighting through arctic blizzards. like an iditarod race because winning is not synonymous with survival, winning is not coming out on top. winning is loving like your heart is made of cinderblock instead of paper mache, like it's a porcelain doll instead of a pinata, like love is holy matrimony worship between mother nature & father God not a lonely, pleading prayer in the garden of gethsemene. not a cross to bear—some say love is pain/ but with me, it doesn’t have to be
7. I did some time in Chicago but I am STILL country as I wanna be/ I race barefoot in the street/ I play tackle football with my brothers and their friends/ I pop sparklers in the front yard on the fourth of july/ I eat neckbones and ox tails and collard greens and cornbread and I put butter and sugar on my white race and I’m willing to bet I can probably eat more than you/ but know that your smallish stomach doesn’t make you any less of a man
8. i am a daredevil lover. not an evil kanieval stuntman catapulting out of cannons through rings of fire… no/ my heart loves like an aging indian man treading barefoot over hot coals slowly & deliberately like debussy's 'claire de lune' on a baby grand-- a perfectly pitched premature piano solo accompanied by no one... i give my heart straight-- no chaser. because eventually, the risk it takes to remain closed tightly in a bud begins to outweigh the risk it takes to bloom and so sometimes my heart is just a sacrifice my love is all too willing to make
9. I want to be the one god appoints to watch over you in your sleep, when you are most vulnerable/let me be your dream catcher/ let me hold your hidden passions, your ignored desires and should you ever forget what they taste like I will feed them to you little by little until you are full with purpose/ let me become your rib again/ let me protect your heart from all that wishes it harm/ allow me to wrap my arms around you/ let me be your backbone, your spinal cord even/ let the steady bass of my esperanza spalding heart keep you, drown out all that seeks to paralyze you/ baby dance with me instead/ and we will sway to these sad songs together/ the drunken dance of the depressed and the downtrodden/ and though disparity and displacement be our muse from time to time, I will not let them take you under/ I will hold on for dear life, for your life/ and I promise, I will not let your heart break
1 It is impossible to love me/ 10. It is impossible to love me… 3rd times the charm/ 10. It is impossible for you to love me/ as much as I already love you